


Leaps of Faith

by LegendsoftheTARDIS



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: #theyaregay #everyoneisgay #areyousensingathemehere #sappyandhappy #OMGTHAT'SMYNEWTAG
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:35:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23881651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LegendsoftheTARDIS/pseuds/LegendsoftheTARDIS
Summary: No one:[cricket noises]Especially not my to-do list that I haven't done any of:Me: WELL I guess it's time for Kara and Lena to finally get together.So they did. Imagine this is like season 5, except slightly differently and the characters (*cough Lena cough*) make different (better) choices. This is just a SUPER (hahaha get it "super") emotional angsty sappy happy-ending fic cause WE DESERVE GOOD THINGS OKAY?!? Please enjoy this super dorky story about a bunch of idiots who love each other in these trying times.
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Kudos: 11





	Leaps of Faith

Kara had known it was a bad idea. She’d told Alex as much.

“I know,” Alex had said. “Believe me, I don’t like it either. But Colonel Haley,” she rolled her eyes so far back in her head Kara was worried they might get stuck. “Said it's either that or we can’t work with Lena anymore.”

Kara had scowled. “She’s not _Lex_.”

“I know. But she’s a Luthor. And sometimes people can’t see past a name.”

So the next time Kara went to Lena’s office, she had to sit with the knowledge that the DEO had planted a mic. And the time she visited Lena’ apartment, _she_ had to plant the bug. It was either that or Alex lose her position _and_ they their only hold in the DEO.

But no matter how she justified it, no matter the reasons, some actually plausible (it was for Alex, or in case they overheard something from Lex), Kara knew this was just delaying something else bad. That was the thing. A lot of the times, their work was using a solution that would eventually blow up in their faces to prevent a situation from blowing up in their faces at the current moment. And it was exhausting, always running, always trying to stay one step ahead.

And blow up it did. Lex figured it out first, of course. Alex had an almost full-out yelling match with Colonel Haley about it too.

“Believe it or not, _Lieutenant_ Danvers,” Haley emphasized Alex’s recent demotion. “I don’t always like what I have to do either. But if we all do whatever we want all the time, we don’t have a cohesive organization. And if we don’t have that, we can’t do our job. And if we can’t do our job, we can’t protect people.”

Alex had stormed out then, intending to call Kara to warn her that Lex had been likely looking for something to control Q-waves and whatever she was doing was probably a trap. Of course, in true everything-goes-wrong-at-once fashion, Leviathan decided to take that moment to attack, and Kara was already in the Fortress of Solitude with none other than Lena.

<•> <•> <•> <•> <•> <•> <•>

Kara struggled onto her elbows, the kryptonite bind cutting into her ankles and wrists and one around her throat. “Lena, I’m sorry—” her voice broke, because “sorry” wasn’t even the beginning of all the things she needed to say.

“I killed Lex for you.” Lena said. In the roaring silence after the… whatever it was they’d just defeated, her words were the loudest.

Kara gaped, her mind trying to catch up as she finally understood why Lena’s eyes had held so much pain. “No—you didn’t—he fell—”

“Yeah, well, he survived.” Lena said, almost sarcastically. “He used something like this.” She ran a finger down the portal device, almost wistfully. “He said he modeled it after yours.”

“How long did you know?” Kara managed to ask.

“Kasnia.”

Kara looked up and back, squeezing her eyes shut to prevent the stomach-dropping rush of guilt from flooding out. “What about the—”

“Bugs? Yeah. Lex figured that one out too. Guess he really was the smarter sibling.” Lena flashed back to the day Lex burst into her apartment a few weeks after Kasnia, not so much angry as smug. “See?” he’d said. “They never trusted you.” Lena hadn’t believed it at first. She’d tried to reconcile the fact that Kara didn’t tell her she was Supergirl. But this? Kara _and_ Alex _and_ J’onn? _Everyone_? That was too much.

“No, Lena—” Kara twisted her arms, desperately trying to get free.

“ _No_ , Kara.” Lena looked at her, her hands steady but her voice shaking. “Please stop telling me who I am. I am _sick_ and _tired_ of everyone using me. I am _sick and tired_ of living like this. Everyone always looking at me like I’m a villain. I’ve tried so hard, and I thought—” she choked up. “I was _stupid_ enough to believe Lex. I wanted to think he could be like me. I wanted to think—” she laughed, mockingly. “I wanted to think I could be _different_ from him.”

“Lena.” Kara struggled to her feet, crouching on the ground, ignoring the sickly green poison seeping into her cells. “You have no reason to listen to me. But I know—I _know_ —you’re different. You don’t have to be where you came from.”

Lena scoffed, holding the device so hard it left a tiny trail of blood droplets. “Easy for you to say. We both inherited legacies. You just got the good one.”

_Defeated_. Kara thought. Lena looked defeated. She could feel her heart shatter. It hurt just as much as it had the past times. It hurt more than the kryptonite.

Lena raised her head. “Lex wanted this.” She picked up another small device. “The Q-wave device. He wanted to control the world. I am so _sick_ of everyone trying to control everyone else. I’m taking this. I wanna see if I can turn it into something good.”

Kara shook her head frantically. That thing? Bad news. Kal had gotten it from—well, she didn’t even remember who, but some other bad dude with similar ideas. They’d talked about turning it into a communications device. To see if J’onn could find his people. But they’d been just a little busy, and this thing was so complicated they just never had time. “Lena, you can’t—”

“ _STOP_ telling me what I can and can’t do,” Lena snapped. Kara couldn’t tell if she was choking on tears or if the kryptonite was getting tighter. Lena pressed the button and the portal opened up with an eardrum-bursting whoosh into a cyclone of psychedelic colors. Kara couldn’t manage more than a gasp as Lena stepped through. The portal closed like a tiny black hole. Or maybe that was her vision going dark. When Alex and Brainy got there, even after they cut away the kryptonite, Kara could still barely move, from grief more than anything.

“She knew, Alex,” Kara choked out. “She knew since Kasnia. She knew about me, she knew about the bugs…” The tears that finally escaped somehow soothed the stinging of the kryptonite. “She killed Lex. To protect me. I should’ve told her. I should’ve…”

“There was no way to tell her that would not have placed her and you in more danger,” Brainy said. “Sometimes… sometimes we have to keep things from the people we love. Even if it hurts us.”

“Listen,” Alex said, gripping Kara’s shoulders. “It’s done. You can’t change what you did. But we do have things we can change here. Right now. We need you.”

Kara nodded slowly, and shakily, with the help of her family, she stood.

<•> <•> <•> <•> <•> <•> <•>

When Kara tried to remember the next week (next month? years?), she mostly saw it in flashes. Images that shattered easily, splintered by jagged flashes of lightning. The warning. The wave. The destruction. The hollowness in her whole body, emptied out by grief, moving only because there was literally nothing else left to do.

She saw their faces, too. Her family. Her friends. Her team. Oliver’s, first, always. Like he was in her head still, wound up in her DNA when they restarted the universe. Maybe he was. Maybe that’s how he was here still.

Kara wouldn’t trade remembering for anything, because sacrifice and love always deserved to be remembered, no matter how much it hurt. But it was confusing, sometimes, because of the separate time streams. She held memories of a world that’d been wiped from existence. That’s what they hadn’t known, any of them, about the Paragons. They were left to fight, yes, but also to _remember_. So that way, when it came time to rebuild the multiverse, they had a blueprint. A map.

She didn’t remember remaking the world—none of them did—only Oliver, disappearing into a column of light, and the wave, finally reaching them, but instead of that corroding, deathly red, it was soft blackness. Blackness that smelled like damp earth, felt like the microbiomes in the deepest ocean trenches, looked like a completely blank canvas of universe that slowly became speckled with stars. She saw familiar landscapes and new environments and places she distantly remembered only in her deepest memories—or were they someone else’s? – and things spun into existence, unspooled from her fingers like thread. Not that she _had_ physical form at that point.

Things didn’t snap into existence so much as she blinked and found herself right back where she started. Bracing for impact, but there was nothing to brace for anymore. In her apartment, light filtering through the gauzy curtains. Kara felt it all _settle_ , the same but also entirely, irreparably different.

Oliver had left them a present—besides existence. They were all together. Earth-1, Earth-38, and their new friends’ earth were all Earth Prime now.

“He did that on purpose,” Sara said, a smile twitching at the corners of her mouth.

“Yeah,” said Barry hoarsely, shaking his head. “He did.”

<•> <•> <•> <•> <•> <•> <•>

The next few months were a whirlwind, like the new world was determined to prove just how many things it had to offer. Most of it, ironically, was the same old arguments and relationships and ties that bound them in the past. They met J’onn’s brother. James went home. Kara missed him a lot, but they videocalled every week. He was just as busy as she was. Turns out saving your hometown from government corruption was pretty much the same thing as stopping supervillains. Who knew?

And of course, there was Obsidian. It was tearing Kelly up inside—she knew something was wrong, but at the same time, advances in her field were happening faster than she could keep up. Alex, Kara, and J’onn tried to reassure her that it was actually a better idea that she stay on, so they had someone on the inside and a line to Andrea.

And then there was Lex. Kara tried not to think about this too much or else she was gonna lose it. “Is there any way people will get their memories back?” she asked J’onn desperately.

He shrugged, just as frustrated as she was. “Kara, believe me, if I had a better answer, I would tell you. This is unfamiliar territory for all of us. I hope so. We’re gonna need all the help we can get to get him out of here.”

And _then_ there was Lena. If Kara was being honest, that was almost harder to deal with than Lex. Part of her hoped Lena wouldn’t remember. But, as usual, things didn’t work like that. She’d made a mistake and she had to deal with it. She’d hoped that working together to stop the literal end of the multiverse would’ve changed Lena’s point of view a little, but no such luck. She was just as stubborn as before. But _sometimes_ , _very slowly_ , they made progress. Kara had a feeling that Lena wasn’t angry at _her_ specifically so much as angry at _herself_. For believing in someone. And that hurt Kara more than if Lena had been mad at her. But Kara could see it, in her eyes just for a moment, or when she thought Kara wasn’t looking. Like she only had to keep up the anger for Kara. But as the persistent weeks passed, Lena would take the donuts Kara brought, or a genuine smile would flash across her face, or her façade of stoicism and detachment would crack, just for a second… Lena would let slip (or ‘let slip’) things that Lex was up to, tiny hints about what his plan was, give them a lead on the Obsidian case. Kara could see it, in the determined set of Lena’s jaw and the lift of her chin, that she was starting to make her way back. Breaking away from her past. And Kara had to hand it to her, she was doing this not once, but twice. Becoming a double agent against her own brother (although he probably knew, and Kara always told anyone within a ten-mile radius that family was who you _chose_ , not who you were born into). One of the biggest chances Lena took was the day she, hesitantly, told Kara about Eve.

Kara’s face changed from confused to horrified. “Lena… You took a person… and you… you – _erased_ her! You killed her!”

“She’s not _dead_.”

“That doesn’t make this better!”

“See, this is why I didn’t tell you—”

“Because it’s a violation of every ethical code in existence!” Kara had jumped up and was pacing around the couch. “Where is she? Is she still in there?”

“Kara—Kara, hold on—I didn’t just do it to test Hope.”

Kara stopped and barely holding back tears, looked suspiciously at Lena. “What do you mean.”

Lena sighed, looking at her hands. “Listen—Eve was terrified. Someone called—” Lena hesitated here, her mind working ten thousand miles a second. And then she made her next choice. “Leviathan? I don’t know what that is," (another lie, but there was only so much she could do at the moment) "but she was panicking so much I was afraid she was going to hurt herself. She agreed to _this_ , because it would _hide_ her from them.”

_What_ is _Leviathan to make someone do_ that _?_ Kara thought. Even after all their encounters, she still barely knew them, and they just got worse and worse. She nodded at Lena to continue, a frown still deep in the lines on her face.

“Eve—so far as I can tell—is still in there. It’s like she’s—sleeping. I monitor her every day, I can show you if you want.” Lena swiped at something requiring a dozen passwords on her tablet. “See? That blue one? That’s Hope’s consciousness. But that other one, the calmer one? That’s Eve.”

Kara breathed hard, trying to wrap her mind around this. “Lena… what are you even using the Q-waves for?”

Lena set her jaw. “That I can’t tell you. Yet.”

“How’m’I supposed to trust you if—”

“Trust?” Lena raised her eyebrows. “We’re not friends. I’m telling you this because I need someone else to have the access codes if I ever…” she paused. “Can’t get to it.”

“And you picked… me?”

Lena smiled wryly. “Let’s face it—I don’t really have that many friends. But you’re still the only one who…” she paused, and Kara tried to not react, inferring that she was avoiding saying the word ‘trust’. “I know would be able to make the right decision.”

“Well. Thank you.” There was an awkward pause. There’d been a lot of those. Then Kara blurted, “You’re _sure_ she’s not in pain?”

Lena laughed in spite of herself. “Yes. She’s fine. Hope would tell me otherwise.” Her face closed off again abruptly, and she stood. “I have work to do.” Kara took the hint and made her exit off the balcony, which, after everything, was still there. That had to be a sign of something, right?

Kara tried everything she could think of, but Lena was just so _stuck_. And the infuriating thing was that if she just _listened_ … But people dealt with grief and loss and shock in different ways. Don’t get her wrong, it wasn’t a good way… but in Kara’s experience, the most fragile people had nothing to lose. Which seemed backwards, but Kara was strong _because_ of her family. Lena had none. (Well she _would_ , if she let anyone in…) Even after everyone told her to be careful, because Lena was working with Lex again… Kara couldn’t just let it go. If she gave up on people she cared about, what kind of Paragon of Hope would she be? That’s why she always fought as a last resort. Tried to talk her enemies down first. Plus, if everyone had given up on her, she wouldn’t be who she was. Lena deserved the same.

And _then_ , because the year hadn’t been insane _enough_ , who would appear but their old friend Mxyzptlk! Because _that_ needed to happen!!!! But, Kara had to admit, he did help. Even if they almost got stuck in _another_ alternate reality where everything was somehow even worse. So things weren’t that bleak, at least?

Kara flew to Lena’s office at the speed of light, swaying indiscernibly in the winds that buffeted her from this height.

“Supergirl?” Lena looked up. She was visibly avoiding using Kara’s name, but some days, she slipped. Not today, apparently, which was fine, because Kara was furious. At Lena or herself or both of them, she didn't really know.

“I know you’re working with Lex.” Kara said, letting the words fall between them. Hey, she wasn’t perfect. In fact, she was incredibly frustrated.

Lena blinked. “Oh?”

“Yeah.”

“How long?”

“Couple of weeks.”

Lena smiled grimly, and Kara felt it too. This almost exact same conversation, in a different place at a different time. A different world. “Are you gonna take me in?”

Kara took a deep breath. “No.”

“No?” Lena repeated, surprised.

Kara continued, her voice growing stronger. “One, because we can’t even do anything right now if we tried. But also, I still believe in you.”

“Kara, don’t—”

But once Kara started an emotional tirade, there was no stopping her. “I know there’s still _good_ in you. I’ve seen it. I know what you’re doing with the Q-waves. And even though that’s a really bad idea, I know you think you’re doing it for the right reasons.”

“So did you just come here to insult my work?”

“But here’s the thing,” Kara continued like she hadn’t even heard. “People can’t be controlled. Not like that. You can’t _shut off_ part of someone and expect that they’ll still be okay. We’re not _machines_.”

“ _You’re_ not even human.”

“I still _feel_ things. Do you know how much I’ve cried since we got back. Every night. Every night. And I just wanted to tell my best friend—” Kara’s voice cracked. “About it. And tell her that her brother is without a doubt using her extreme intellect and her passion for knowledge and her drive to fix things for his own selfish, destructive gain and have her listen to me.” Kara was crying now, but she never really minded crying in front of people. It just seemed to remind them that it was okay to be vulnerable. “And you know what? I’m done.”

“Kara—”

“ _Don’t_ , Lena. I’m so tired of walking on eggshells around you. I’ve tried, so hard, to make it up to you. I know I hurt you. And I will _never_ be able to apologize enough for that, because that was the last thing I wanted to do. But I also won’t ever be able to change what I did. So I’m trying to make it up to you. And believe me,” Kara laughed wearily. “It wouldn’t have made a difference if I did tell you. I did what I did to protect you, and doing anything else would’ve meant everyone I care about was either in more danger, or was killed. Okay? I made my decision because I care about you. And if you can’t understand that, then I can’t do anything else. I will _always_ be here for you, Lena. If you want my help. If you want to come back to people who care about you and don’t just use you for your ideas.” Kara finally ran out of steam and looked Lena right in the eyes for a moment. Lena looked stunned, like someone had told her the world she was living in was entirely different from the one she was born in. Kara backed off the balcony and jumped, flying as fast and as far as she could.  
  


<•> <•> <•> <•> <•> <•> <•>

Kara didn’t see Lena for weeks. Not until Nia came into the Tower, clutching a crumpled note. It was in Lena’s handwriting, but it was from Brainy. They knew cause he’d written their symbol, something he’d doodled once. An amalgamation of all the first letters of their names in Gallifreyan, because sometimes they called Brainy “the Doctor”. And another one, part of a poem? Something that meant nothing to the rest of them but everything to Nia. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she whispered, “I knew it.”

“What does it mean?” J’onn asked what they were all thinking, even though they more or less already knew.

Kara smiled through rising tears. “It means…sometimes we have to keep things from the people we love. Even if it hurts us.” Alex looked at her, the same strange joy lighting her eyes. “But that doesn’t mean they won’t come back to us.”

“It means that people—and Coluans—are complicated,” Kelly placed her hand over Nia’s. “We make mistakes. We hurt people we love. That’s inevitable. We’re gonna conflict with each other, because we’re different and we have different ideas and ways of doing things and opinions.” She looked at Alex and they shared a silent laugh. “It means… when you know, you know.” Alex squeezed her hand. “It means, if you give someone a chance, they’re probably missing you just as much as you miss them.”

They surrounded that tiny piece of paper like it was a map to buried treasure. And maybe it was. _Their_ Brainy was there, buried under something, but now they had a way to get to him. To trust him to lead them in the right direction. To meet him at the end, wherever that was.

<•> <•> <•> <•> <•> <•> <•>

The next day, Kara landed on Lena’s balcony, more hesitantly this time.

“Ka—Supergirl.” Lena looked up in surprise. “I—I was planning on calling you—I just—”

Kara _almost_ smiled, except she knew Lena would hate that. It was a rare moment that Lena Luthor was visibly self-conscious. “You gave Nia the note,” she said, stepping down.

Lena’s mouth twitched. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You have no idea how much that meant to us. Especially Nia. I haven’t seen her that happy or hopeful since… well, since she was with Brainy.”

“Isn’t that _your_ job, _Paragon_?” Lena said, but her tone was more teasing than anything else. She started organizing the papers and files on her desk.

“Yeah. Well. Sometimes I’m not very good at my job.” Kara put a hand on the enormous dictionary-sized stack of paper, halting Lena’s progress. “Lena, I am _so sorry_ if I ever made you feel like you weren’t trusted or didn’t belong. I know I _did_ do that, but believe me, it was the last thing I wanted to do. I was just making what I thought was the best decision. And maybe it was the right one, and maybe it wasn’t. I know we think differently. That’s what I love about you. We have so many conflicting ideas and we still work together so well. The last thing I would ever want is for you to feel small or unloved or not part of this family. I just need you to give me a little. I know how hard that is for you. I know you’d rather… listen to the UN give a speech about how Lex is the ultimate humanitarian.” _That_ got a tiny smile and an eye roll. “I know I’ve broken your trust. But I also need you to know that this is the risk of opening up to people. They’ll probably hurt you. And I can’t promise I won’t do it again. But I can promise that I will _always_ come back to fix it.” Kara wasn’t using her laser eyes right now, but her stare was intense enough.

Lena broke first, turning away and mumbling “Fine.”

“What was that?”

“I _said_ , you’re so annoying.”

“I prefer persistent and dedicated.” Kara beamed.

“And _that_ is why you’re the best reporter.”

“Aww.” Kara ducked her head. “Now you’re just saying that.”

“No, I mean it,” Lena turned back, expression serious. “Kara, the reason I….” She made a face of utter turmoil and dropped her voice. “Hated you for a while, was because I…” she huffed frustratedly. “Well I guess I just… thought I deserved it.”

“No, Lena—”

“No, let me finish. Even before, when everything was normal, there was always a part of me thinking… it was too good to be true. You and Alex, James, Winn, J’onn, Nia… everyone. That it was all gonna come crumbling down sooner or later. And I guess… I guess Lex just tapped into that. He’s always done that. Made me feel stupid. Insignificant.”

Kara nodded with all her love to push back against the sorrow spilling out of Lena’s voice, every fiber of her being wanting to hold Lena but knowing this probably wasn’t the right time.

“I never trusted him. I think… I think I just believed it for so long that when he came back, it was the only familiar thing I had. This thing… with all of you… I never had it before. It was easier to fall back to the thing I knew, even if it was bad. Does that make sense?” Lena paused, pulling herself out of her memories. “And when I found out… you were Supergirl, I guess I just…. lost myself. And,” she added hurriedly. “That doesn’t excuse anything. I know I did some horrible things. I wish I could take those back too. And I know that you did what you did for love, and I did what I did for my own selfish desires, but… I’m hoping we can… try this again. Even though you’ve given me so many second chances. You were the first person in my entire life to believe in me, Kara. I am _so_ sorry I threw that in your face.” Lena was blinking back tears. She hated crying at all, let alone in front of people.

“Lena,” Kara said softly. “What do you think love is? It’s a million second chances, and third chances and forever and ever, cause we keep messing up. But we keep trying again. That’s what matters.” She leaned forward, finally, and embraced Lena, who tentatively hugged her back, but grew stronger.

“Why aren’t you angry with me? I was so angry with you.”

“Lena, of course I was angry. I think I am still, a little. But that doesn’t stop us from being family. It doesn’t mean I don’t still care about you. When family fights, you don’t give up on them. You fix it.”

“But… I used Kryptonite on you,” Lena whispered, looking up.

“You didn’t use enough to _kill_ me,” Kara said.

Lena choked a laugh. “How are you even real? Everyone else gave up on me. With good reason. I was an asshole.”

Kara thought about it. “… I’m just too stubborn? And yeah, maybe they’re upset with you. But it’s not like we haven’t all fought before. We’ve all done hurtful things. Maybe not like you,” she added in a rush, seeing Lena open her mouth. “But we all know what you’ve gone through. We understand, Lena. Maybe we don’t know exactly, but it’s hard enough to deal with all of this when you have people to lean on. I can’t imagine you going through that all by yourself. And I know they’ll forgive you. Maybe it’ll take time, but they will.”

“I’m not gonna rest until I fix this,” Lena mumbled into Kara’s shoulder.

Kara laughed. “ _There’s_ the Lena Luthor ambition I know.” She was quiet for a moment. “So… it wasn’t even the bugs?”

Lena looked up. “Honestly? _I_ would’ve bugged me in your position.”

“Speaking of bugs…” Kara looked around. “Is there?...”

Lena smirked. “He tried. I’m transmitting a counter-frequency to block their communications.”

“Who’s the smarter Luthor _now_?” Kara swung her legs over the desk to sit on Lena’s side. Lena leaned against the window, looking like there was nothing between her and the sky outside. “So… why Supergirl?” She tilted her head, waiting.

Lena scoffed and tossed her head. “I just… I just wasn’t… I didn’t understand why you wouldn’t trust me.”

“Lena, it wasn’t about—”

“Well I know that _now_. And I just... I spent so long thinking of her as my rival, someone who probably hated me because of who I was… and then she—you—wanted to be partners, and I guess—” Lena made a face. “I wanted to make her proud. I thought she trusted me too. Thought I was different. So finding out both of you, essentially….” Lena sighed. “Plus, I spent the last _four years_ looking at _both_ of you. And I never once thought…” She rolled her eyes, embarrassed.

Kara’s eyes widened as she realized that some of Lena’s reaction was just _humiliation_. Hell, thinking about it, she’d probably feel the same way. Like she didn’t really look at her friend, like there was something she should’ve seen but missed because she wasn’t paying attention. Lena was the smartest person she knew, and she constantly felt like she had to prove herself, so this… Kara shook her head. This must’ve been a huge blow. “No one guesses.” Kara said. “Really, it’s amazing what a hair change and glasses do. You think anyone guessed who my cousin is?” She thought she heard Lena mutter “Lois did,” but she wasn’t sure.

“So,” Lena kicked a foot. “Now that you know _all_ of my humiliating secrets…”

“Do you want me to spill some? I can tell you about the time when I was supposed to be getting the wine for a CatCo party, and then I got attacked by a swarm of hungry pigeons, so I showed up looking like I’d been through a tornado. But I did still bring the wine.”

Lena laughed, a real one. “I can’t believe you just shared your deepest, darkest secret with me. I’m honored.”

Kara did a small bow. “Stick around kid,” she joked. “You just might learn more.” She reached forward and pulled Lena into another hug. “Thank you for telling me,” she mumbled into Lena’s ear. Was it her imagination, or did Lena’s heart pick up? Kara pulled back, holding her shoulders. “I know it’s hard for you to be vulnerable like that. Thank you for giving me another chance. And for letting me in.”

Lena pulled away, something pained in her eyes. Her cheeks were flushed and Kara could hear her pulse racing.

“Lena what—”

“Kara, I can’t. And you shouldn’t.”

“You can’t what?”

“Tell you everything.”

“Why not? And I shouldn’t what?”

“Say that. Be here. For me.”

“Why not?” Kara threw her hands up in the air. “Lena, no matter how much you hate yourself, I am always gonna love you. And so is everyone else, eventually. Because we’re family and that’s what family does.”

“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you, cause it doesn’t make any sense. Kara, --”

“Believe what? Did we not just save the entire multiverse? There’s not much I won’t believe anymore, and—” It was at that moment that Lena leaned forward and kissed her. Softly, just for a few seconds, but Kara was pretty sure time somehow sped up and froze at the same time.

Kara, for once, couldn’t finish her thought. She sat there with her mouth open for another second or two and then tore out the window, somehow faster than she had last time, some unnamed, growing feeling giving her wings.

<•> <•> <•> <•> <•> <•> <•>

“Kara, what is it—” Alex blurted out the minute Kara flung open her apartment door with almost enough force to break it off the hinges. Kara had texted in all caps _MY APARTMENT NOW SOS_ which _sounded_ really bad.

“Alex, Lena _kissed_ me!” Kara practically wailed.

“I— _WHAT_!?” Alex stepped inside, bewildered. She spotted three pints of ice cream on the counter, two empty already. Okay, this was one of _those_ emotional breakdowns.

“She—kissed me?” Kara said again, almost a question, clearly in a whirlwind of thoughts.

“ _What???”_ Alex repeated, her own head spinning but also finally reaching an answer to a question she knew but hadn’t thought to ask.

“I don’t knooooooow!” Kara threw herself onto the couch.

“Okay.” Alex grabbed the last ice cream and two spoons and pulled Kara up. “Start from the beginning.”

Kara didn’t start from the beginning so much as say everything all at once, complete with all her Kara-isms and hand waving. “Well after the Crisis I thought things might be different but they weren’t really, she was still so _angry_ with me but she never spe _cifi_ cally told me to leave so I just kept coming but then they started to change like we would talk like we used to? and it kind of felt like we were maybe getting somewhere and I dunno Alex I know you guys don’t trust her but I could see it, she _wanted_ to come back but just didn’t know _how_ because Lex was always there? You didn’t see it Alex, the _shadow_ he has over her, and I’m not saying she was right _at all_ but I think I realized that we say el mayarah but it’s really hard to believe that when you’ve had the opposite of that your whole life, and I think it’s my, not my duty exactly, but it’s something I need to do, I’ve always needed to do it, you always yelled at me for bringing home stray animals remember? not that Lena is like a stray animal but, aren’t we all kind of in a way? whatever and then I dunno she told me a lot of stuff and she _started_ to pull away from Lex and we fought, Alex, we fought so much, but I guess sometimes she just needed someone to stay, cause I mean you and I have been through a lot together and she just _ne_ ver had that and honestly after Mxyzptlk I think I finally realized that healing _a_ ny relationship has to come from both sides and sometimes what people really need is the truth so I _told_ her that and then we didn’t talk for _weeks_ and then she gave Nia the note and _that’s_ when I knew so I went to tell her thank you and she _finally_ told me everything and then we were talking and then…” Kara took an enormous breath after the longest sentence in the world. “She kissed me. And then I ran. Well, flew. I think I went around the earth three times. I honestly don’t remember.” She curled her legs up close to her chest. “Alex.” Kara’s voice was hoarse and her eyes filled with confused tears. “What do I do?”

Alex’s heart hurt. Kara was the most expressive person she knew. She couldn’t hide anything. Anger, joy, sorrow. Love. Everything she felt was written on her body, like she couldn’t physically contain the universes she had running through her. Alex reached over and wiped her tears away. “Well,” she said gently. “I think the first thing we need to ask is… do you… have feelings… for her?”

Kara sat up like a startled animal. She looked around her apartment like something there might give her an answer, looked at Alex, looked up, then back at Alex, and finally burrowed her face in a pillow. “I don’t knoooooowww,” she said, muffled. “I didn’t think—but you—and then—but—” she let out a noise of frustration and fell backwards onto the couch again.

Alex was biting her lip to keep from smiling. She took a minute to make her voice even. “Kara?” she said, reaching for her sister-shaped lump, now under two blankets. “It sounds like, uh, it sounds like you do.”

Kara made a squeaking noise and attempted to shove herself deeper into the couch corner. Alex just grinned. She was pretty sure she knew what Kara was going through. “Hey,” she said, skootching closer and leaning on the Kara-blob. “I know what you’re feeling.” Kara made a noise and shuffled a smidge, which Alex took to mean “continue?”

“It’s confusing. You feel like a kid again, with all these new emotions and feelings and it’s _scary_. It’s like a part of yourself you never knew, and now you have to reconcile that with the rest of you you have now.” Kara moved the blanket off her face the slightest amount. “And I can tell you, as someone who’s lived through these feelings, that you’ll be okay.” She felt Kara wiggle her hand out of the blankets and grab hers.

Kara uncovered her whole face and sat up, facing Alex with her legs criss-crossed. “Alex…” her brow furrowed. “I’m really sorry I wasn’t better at this when you came out.”

“Hey,” Alex brushed Kara’s hair back to its normal position. “It’s okay.” Whatever had gone on before, Kara had gone above and beyond. Her new favorite tradition was to show up at the National City Pride parade with a rainbow cape. She was the official escort of the Grand Marshal, a title which she loved.

“No, I mean it.” Kara grabbed Alex’s other hand. “I think I was just… you’d been the only solid thing in my whole life, and I didn’t know how to deal with you changing. Not that you changed. Because it was always you. Even if we didn’t know it yet.” Alex raised an eyebrow and waited for Kara to catch up. “Aw.” Kara sat back and wrinkled her nose. “Oh. Okay. Yeah.” She sighed deeply, sinking down. “So what now?”

Alex shrugged. “What do you want to do?”

Kara made a panic face. “I don’t know.”

“Okay.” Alex squeezed her hands. “We can wait.”

“Aaaaaghhhh,” Kara grabbed the pillow again and smushed it into her face. “I can’t believe I’m this dumb.” She sat up, eyes wide. “Is this what everyone feels like when I tell them I’m Supergirl?”

Alex chuckled. “That’s a little different.”

“But how do I not know what _I’m_ feeling?”

Alex considered. “Cause this is hard. Any of it. No matter who you are. Loving people is easy. Most of the time, you don’t even realize you’re doing it. When you try and say it out loud… sometimes that’s harder.”

Kara looked at her, eyes pleading. “Can’t you just dispense some gay wisdom on me that’ll tell me what to do?”

Alex almost fell off the couch laughing. “You gotta tell Kelly that. She always reminds me of how she’s got a medical degree.”

“But you can totally kick her ass,” Kara reminded her.

“That’s what I said! Anyway. No, I can’t. This is yours. I can’t tell you what to do with any of your relationships. I can only be here to help you.”

Kara cupped Alex’s face in her hands. “I love you.” she said seriously. “I meant it when I said you were the only constant thing in my life. I may be Supergirl, but you’re the one who taught me how to be brave and stand up and fight and never let anyone tell you what you can’t do.”

Alex smiled through tears. “You are the best sister I could ever ask for.” Kara hugged her, tight.

“So…” Kara sniffled. “Did you know?”

This time, Alex couldn’t keep the delight from spilling onto her face. “I had… an inkling.”

“Really?” Kara tilted her head.

“Well,” Alex paused, trying to figure out how to say this. “You did always talk about how pretty people were. Boys _and_ girls. Everyone. All genders. Remember when Lucy got here? You talked about her for ages. And Sara. You didn’t stop talking about how cool Sara was once you warmed up to her. And—”

“ _O_ KAY,” Kara interrupted. “I get it. What about…” she gulped nervously. “Lena?”

Alex only kept a level expression through her years of training. “I mean… I always thought… she maybe had a thing for you. I know you’re the most persistent person in the world, and you could make friends with an angry porcupine, but Lena? She really fell for you. Even before she _fell for you_ fell for you.”

“Uh-huh.” Kara said self-consciously. “Did… do you think everyone else knows?”

Alex laughed. “Maybe.” (she meant “Definitely.”) “Does it matter?”

Kara shook her head slowly, then fiercely. “Of _course_ not. I have _nothing_ to hide. And I love, all of you, _so much_. I just… did you all know before I did?” Her voice was smaller.

“Sometimes… sometimes the hardest person to know is yourself.” Alex said. Her eyes were distant.

“Damn. That was deep.”

“Deep… like your love for Lena?” Alex’s grin was pure wickedness and mirth. Kara screamed and hit her with the pillow. Alex, still laughing, barely even tried to block it.

“Hey Kara?” Alex said, once they’d calmed down.

“Yeah?”

“I’m proud of you.”

Kara looked up at her sister and smiled. She skootched closer on the couch. “Hey, I’m just doing what you taught me.”

Alex paused for the punchline. “Being gay?”

“No!” Kara hit her shoulder. “Being _truthful_. Being _you_. Always sticking to what you believe and taking the leap, even if it’s scary. That’s why you were the director. _And_ —” she yawned. “That’s why you’re a leader. This DEO doesn’t change that.”

Alex tilted her head against Kara’s. “Thanks.” They finished the ice cream, now mostly melted, but still delicious.

<•> <•> <•> <•> <•> <•> <•>

Kelly was, as always, far too perceptive for any secrets. “What’s up?” she said, reaching over to Alex, who’d been stirring her coffee for a solid minute. Alex told her. (She’d talked it over with Kara, of course. “Fine,” Kara had said, rolling her eyes, but her eyes were dancing. “I know Kelly’s gonna guess anyway. She probably knows already. Heck if everyone knows, why don’t I just put it on a billboard?!”) Kelly didn’t react except for an enormous grin that shone on her face. Alex loved it when she smiled like that. “I knew it,” Kelly said, shaking her head. “Soon as I saw them.”

“Well,” Alex sputtered. “That doesn’t count. You’re a psychologist.”

“What’re we talking about?” Nia came strolling up. Kelly invited her to breakfast, as was their weekly tradition before heading to Nia’s.

Kelly told her. Nia covered her mouth and squealed, then cupped her hands around her mouth and yelled out to the heavens. “YES! Kara! Welcome to the best club in town!” (Kara heard her from her apartment, and smiled).

Later, when they met J’onn in the Tower, he paused as soon as they all came through the door.

“Okay, what is it?” he asked. “It feels like you all have something to tell me.” They did. J’onn just shook his head and laughed. “It’s about time.”

Nia was rolling on the floor, laughing. It was a hard feeling to explain to anyone who hadn’t felt it before. The absolute joy of celebrating someone’s wholeness. Shouting into the world their new name, or what was really in their heart. It felt like seeing your friends after you hadn’t seen them in a while. Homecoming. A welcome. But in yourself. And you just wanted to shout it as loud as you could. Some days were darker than others. Some days were for fighting. But days like this, those were for joy and laughter and the feeling of seeing a light turn on and feel everything make _so much more sense_ and suddenly you felt love where there was a question before. She couldn’t _wait_ to tell Brainy. Whenever that might be. He was way past all of this, obviously, being from the 31st century, but she couldn’t wait to hear all of his observations on the matter and see Kara, embarrassed but so _so_ happy, as they all told stories and joked and raised their glasses like they were saluting life itself. She could see it all now, flashing past her in dream colors. She didn’t know when it would be, but she had a feeling it would be soon.

<•> <•> <•> <•> <•> <•> <•>

Kara wasn’t _with_ her friends, obviously, but she could _feel_ them cheering for her. That _might’ve_ been Nia’s psychic powers, but Kara was gonna choose to believe it was just her heart. She flashed back to the conversation she had, standing by the window with Alex that morning.

“Okay,” Alex had said, checking her pockets for everything. “I’m gonna go meet Kelly and Nia.”

“Okay,” Kara said, taking a steadying breath. “I’m gonna go see Lena. After I do a couple of rounds first. Maybe fly to Hawaii. Or to Mars. I haven’t decided yet.”

Alex smiled and shook her head. “Call me if you need anything,” she said, squeezing Kara’s shoulder. “You can do this.”

“Why is this scarier than flying for the first time?” Kara made a face and shifted nervously.

“Cause it is,” Alex said. “You always knew how to fly. You don’t know what’s gonna happen here.”

Kara widened her eyes. “Seriously? That’s your final advice?”

“Kara, the rest of us have been watching you two dance around each other for almost _four years_.”

“Alrightalrightfine I’m _going_ ,” Kara had waved her off. “Eventually.”

Kara shook herself back to the present with the wind all around her, finding she was smiling. She did a loop and banked left and sped back above her city, where she could see them all, glowing threads from her to everyone she loved, leading into the heart of the city and past its limits, all directions, out and up into the sky.

She landed on Lena’s balcony, like she had almost every week for the past few years. As Supergirl and as Kara and as a friend and as… well, whatever this was about to be.

“Kara!” Lena jumped up from her desk, where she’d been getting approximately no work done. “You’re—you’re back—I didn’t—Kara, I’m so sorry, what I did yesterday was totally inappropriate and out of bounds, I hope I didn’t make you too uncomfortable and that we can still be—” and then she stopped, because Kara kissed her.

Kara pulled away so she could look into Lena’s eyes, not sure if she was breathing hard from the flight or from the kiss. “I love you, Lena Luthor. I should’ve said it yesterday. I should’ve said it before. I mean, I did, but I didn’t say it like this. Ever since I met you, I knew that you were gonna be a part of my heart. You are one of the most stubborn, complicated, infuriating people I know and I wouldn’t change that for anything. I love your bravery and your huge ideas and your hope that the world can be better, and how you never give up on anything or anyone, and how no matter what happens you always keep going, and your _heart_ , and how no matter what tries to break you, you never let it. I love _you_.”

Lena just stared wide-eyed for a moment. “I love you, Kara.” she said softly, the tempest in her eyes dissipating like morning mist, trailing her fingers down Kara’s cheek like she couldn’t believe this was real. “I didn’t think I could. You made me remember what real family was. You were the first person to believe in me, and you never stopped. You’re—you’re like the _sun_ , Kara. You make everybody grow.”

Kara beamed so bright that everything else disappeared for a moment. Lena kissed her again, and the light in the room grew. “ _Phew_ ,” Kara exhaled, once they broke away again. “I was shaking so bad.” She laughed and held out her hand to show Lena.

“You were scared?” Lena raised her eyebrows. “You literally flew out of the room yesterday!”

“Yeah, well—” Kara sputtered. “I—yeah, I got nothing.” Lena laughed and Kara’s heart swelled. She wanted to make Lena laugh every single day of her life.

A thought crossed Lena’s face as she looked around the room. “But… what about?”

Kara shook her head. “We’ll figure it out. That’s what we do.”

“What about….”

Kara knew what she meant. “Well, uh, the thing is…they kind of already guessed?”

“Oh my god,” Lena buried her face in her hands. Kara, laughing, pried them away. “Everyone?”

Kara nodded, a little shyly and delightedly giddy. “Yep. Turns out, we were the last to know.” She was practically dancing, buzzing with energy as she did whenever she couldn’t contain the multitudes of joy she was feeling. Lena felt like she was seeing the world as someone new. Was this how Kara felt when she flew? They looked at each other and burst into breathless giggles again, stumbling back against Lena’s desk for support.

“Kara, I—” Lena looked at her and shook her head in wonderment.

Kara just smiled and kissed her again. Some things were too big for words. Some feelings you just had to _do_. Plus, Lena looked so adorably dazzled whenever she kissed her. “Wanna go meet up with everyone?” It was Saturday. That meant hangout at Nia’s, on the rooftop garden, sometime between brunch and sunset (they were flexible, considering they were all so busy all the time).

Lena took a deep breath, weighing all of the things done and all of the things still left to do. She tightened her grip on Kara’s hand and took a step towards the window. “Yes.”

<•> <•> <•> <•> <•> <•> <•>

Everyone cheered when Kara and Lena appeared, hand in hand. Nia yelled and raised her glass, Alex winked theatrically, Kelly was just laughing at all of them, and J’onn looked like a proud father. Kara grinned bashfully and fiddled with her glasses, and Lena looked everywhere else but couldn’t stop her own smile either.

“Well, I guess you all knew…” Kara announced, rolling her eyes dramatically, leading Lena to the table.

“I guess this means you’re back now?” Nia looked questioningly at Lena.

Lena thought for a moment. “I don’t think I could ever get rid of you.” They all cheered again and reached for her hand and made a general melee of welcome.

Nia closed her eyes for a brief moment. She could feel it all—the gentle breeze, the sun, the birds that nested up here. Alex and Kelly, with Alex’s arm over Kelly’s shoulders; J’onn with his heart overflowing with love for his now ever-increasing number of adopted children; Lena and Kara, glowing, their hands clasped together, delicate like a just-bloomed flower but with so much life beneath. And around. And above. She felt all this and she sent it all out, on the wind or like a cloud passing by the moon. Distantly, she felt Brainy reach for it, grab hold of it. His heart shone. Hers did too. They all took this light and reflected it, turned it into tiny suns and stars and the comforting dark like a favorite blanket, like the sunrise in the morning and all of the colors in the world. Nia opened her eyes. Breathed. Smiled.

After all, what did they think love was?


End file.
